Dear friends,
As I prepared to write this month's letter, I was tempted to send you a list of statistics because that's much easier than trying to communicate personally about myself. A certain weakness of mine has become very clear to me recently, that I am reluctant to admit my need for help from others. I'd much rather portray to others that I am self-sufficient and just fine on my own, but that's simply not true. Yet how hard this is to admit, to myself and to others!
The truth is, I've had a pretty rough month and I'm still reeling from it all. You see, in March I discovered that certain things had gone missing from my room for quite some time. When I confronted my host family, it became clear that things were not going to be resolved easily. After long talks and sleepless nights and trying to reconcile I decided that I needed to move out. This was a grievous decision because I care a lot for my host family, enjoyed my room in their apartment and until then we were getting along fine.
As March 31st drew closer, I still didn't know where to move. At the last minute I was presented with two options 1) move in with my Romanian friend and her family of 8 in their large two-storey house where they agreed to welcome me for free or 2) move into a one-room studio apartment and live by myself paying rent that I can't afford.
This was literally the night before I moved, and I hadn't decided where. So I took a long walk with Jesus and wrestled with all the emotions involved with this decision. I could isolate myself and live alone, safe from any conflict with house-mates but lonely and without the network of support that a family provides; or I could choose to risk living with another host family. As I walked and thumbed the studio apartment key in my pocket, the lyrics of a song began to strengthen my step:
“Take up your cross and follow me,
Walking in the light of my feet.
Take up your cross and follow me,
Surrender all you've got for eternity.”
The next day I returned the studio apartment key and moved in with Ana's family. And I have absolutely no doubt that I made the right decision. It's been one week since I moved, and I have been blessed beyond words by their hospitality, generosity and acceptance of me, a stranger in their home. Their reasoning for welcoming me? They figured if one of their children were in a foreign country all alone and needed a place to stay, they would hope someone would be kind enough to open their home. So they did the same for me. What a blessing.
I won't go into detail about Ana's family because there are so many of them that it would take a whole page to explain because she has five natural siblings and four adopted siblings, six of whom still live at home. With me, we are nine in all. And this week we've been 11 because we're hosting two visiting staff from WMF Nepal. But the great thing is that I live in an attic apartment with a separate entrance, kitchen and bathroom where I have my own room next to Ana and her sister. So it's sort of like living in an apartment with two roommates, and frequent visitors from the home downstairs.
Another stretching time for me was just last week when we had a knowledgeable counselor/psychologist visit for three days and talk to us about trauma, self-care and working with at-risk children. The information he shared was helpful and well-received, but also heavy and hard to hear. The basic reality is that as we daily come into contact with children who have suffered and continue to suffer all kinds of trauma, we too will experience the effects, what he calls secondary trauma.
As if to prove the point even more, I had an experience of secondary trauma (if you will) when I learned that one of the girls I have grown attached to who lives on the streets is pregnant. I was not surprised by this news, but upon later reflection I realized that I was experiencing a range of emotions including sadness, anger, betrayal and anxiety. I lost sleep, felt physically ill and couldn't talk to anyone about it until the next day even though I spent time that night with other staff who also know and care about this same girl.
So, I am learning about healthy ways to cope with stress and trying to be honest about how much I can and can't handle. Please pray for me and M. and the child growing in her womb. Pray for God to have mercy and transform this seemingly tragic situation into one of redemption. I visited M. yesterday and she says she prays for the baby every day. But the place she's living is not a healthy place for her or the baby, so please intercede on her behalf that she will find a place to live and have courage to make the best decisions for her own health and that of her baby.
Please also pray this month for:
1. Our annual WMF Romania staff retreat. We will be gone from the 21st to the 28th of April, traveling to a retreat center in the mountains of Central Romania. Our desire is for this to be a time of rest and renewal, but also a time of going deeper in our relationships with each other. We will be spending lots of time worshiping together and praying together. We will also be spending a lot of time in solitary reflection and, afterward, in discussion. And, of course, we will have plenty of free time to play together. Please pray that the Lord will lead us during this week together. Pray that He will give us ears to hear His voice and that He will soften our hearts to beat in rhythm with His.
2. Pray for us as we host many visitors these coming months. We have at least one group of visitors constantly from mid-March until mid-June. We love having people come to be with us and the visitors that will be coming are all people we know well and love. Pray that each visitor will be blessed during their time here with us. Pray that they will fall deeper in love with the children and the boys living on the streets. Pray that we will have wisdom in knowing how to best serve each of our friends during their time here.
With love,
Rachel
rachel.simons@wordmadeflesh.com