Who is this God they worship? by Krystal Born

Krystal Born wrote this narrative in response to individuals in vulnerable situation who she has listened to and learned from during her service with Word Made Flesh Moldova. She started by scribbling down her own questions, which quickly fell into a narrative illustrating the point of view of someone living on the streets. It is not an echo from a single individual, but a collection of voices and stories from people that are living in vulnerable situations. Read along with Krystal by watching this video.

 

How do we live our lives? Are we just saying words, and no action? Are we just acting and not speaking? Are we only speaking and not listening? Are we listening, but not speaking? How do we treat others – the outsider? The poor? The vulnerable? The sick? The non-poor? The “other” in our own personal lives?

Are we with others in the trenches of life? Or are we standing above shouting orders, developing plans, telling others what they should and should not do, should and should not believe, the good news?

Or are we empowering people to discover the Truth, to discover the Good News? Are we remembering that God opens hearts? Are we praying and fasting for those around us?

 

Are others looking in from the outside – asking questions about the way we live?

Who is this God they worship?

Who is this God they follow, that they do not seek after their well-being alone, but also the well-being of others – that they don’t seek after riches, success, and status but sacrifice material things, comfort, personal success and status

 

That they look, they look at me and us with love, love in their eyes, in their words, in their actions.

It’s like they don’t see the clothes that are ragged – the same clothes I wear everyday. They don’t see the dirt on my face – under my fingernails – embedded in my skin. It’s like they don’t see the mat I carry, the little possessions I own in my little cart. They don’t see that no one talks to me.

It’s like they don’t care about any of these things. 

They give me bread, water, and a warm blanket. They don’t have a camera in hand recording their “unselfishness” – I don’t see superiority in their eyes. 

They want to stay. They want to talk. Like we’re friends.

But I don’t know. I keep my guard up.

I mean what do they want anyways? What are they trying to sell me? What do they want in return?

But also, I see them everyday. They are being kind to everyone.

They moved to the neighborhood – just down the street. A neighborhood very few find value in – that others would not dare to venture into.

I am still not convinced. I see my fellow neighbor. I know a little bit about her.

She doesn’t look like she belongs to this neighborhood but she does. She is impoverished like the rest of us. She has nothing to offer.

But she is entering the house of these people. 

I sit and contemplate.

Who are these people? What do they want from us? 

I decide to investigate.

I go to the window. 

They are sitting around a table. They are holding hands. Their heads bowed.

Suddenly, I see them look at me.

I duck – oh no – I’m caught

The door opens and the man comes out.

He crouches beside me and gently takes my hand  – welcoming me to come eat

I stare – I don’t know what to say

I look at my fellow neighbor – the sorrows of life shadow her face

I look down at myself – a shirt full of holes, jeans that have seen much better days, my arms and hands full of sores and dirt. I touch my eye – blackened from a fight 

Yet this man is gently touching me – there is no judgment, no fear – just this look. That I haven’t seen since my dad passed away when I was a teen – A look of love

I find myself saying yes – I slowly stand as he helps me up and we go inside.

I wash my hands but the dirt won’t come out – my hands are stained

They say come – eat – its okay 

Yet, I feel shame

I sit 

A plate of food is in front of me

I quietly say thank you

They ask me my name and few other questions I quietly answer

And they told me a little bit about them.

They said that they have been meeting with my fellow neighbor for a while now. And today, she was going to tell her story. She had said it was okay that I was there to listen.

Good I thought – now I will see their true colors. Once they hear her story – that will be the end.

But as she tells of addiction, of prostitution, of her pain and suffering, about losing her kid and aborting the next – I saw no disgust.

I saw no judgment, no red faces of anger. I didn’t see the common expression “I’m holier than thou”

But in their eyes was the same look of love, of empathy.

The woman takes her hand – tear following down her cheek – crying with my fellow neighbor

What is this?

Even the man has tears in his eyes.

They thank her for sharing her story with them. The woman says she understands the struggle of addiction. 

She’s an addict?

They say they see her, they hear her, and if she wants, will walk with her in this journey towards healing, towards a different life. 

I look in amazement 

The woman asked my fellow neighbor if she wanted to join a bible study with several other women from the neighborhood. And to my surprise she said yes.

Bible study?

Isn’t that the book those Christians read. 

The book about a God. About a man named Jesus?

I saw someone once shouting into a megaphone – “believe in Jesus, Repent. Or you’ll go to hell.”

I kept walking. 

Who is this Jesus?

He’ll send me to hell if I don’t repent? He was just a man. 

Another time a van with “something Church” pulled right outside our neighborhood. A small group of people piled out. They handed out some food and pamphlets. I could tell they didn’t want to be here with us. Just something they had to do for this church. Some propaganda to sell. They quickly walked back to their car. One of the street dogs came to see if they had any food for them. One of them kicked him away. He yelped and ran.

I look at the pamphlet with disgust on my face. Do you know Jesus? 

Then something about salvation.

I saw the words kindness and love. Umph I threw the pamphlet down.

I didn’t see love and kindness. We were just some social project. They didn’t really want anything to do with us. 

Later, I found the dog and gave him my last piece of bread – we’ve been friends ever since.

Another time, I saw a bunch of angry Christians debating about their faith. I quickly walked away. 

Another time, a person with a cross on their shirt (that is the Christian symbol, right?) said to another person as they walked past – if he wasn’t so lazy he wouldn’t be poor. And look at him smoking a cigarette – should have saved up for an apartment. Actually I’ve worked really hard in my life – harder probably then they ever had – and yes, cigarettes are the reason I can’t get an apartment. I scoffed. They have no idea of my story.

I’ve seen judgment. I’ve seen pity. I’ve seen disgust. On so many different faces. 

 

But I don’t know. This seems different.

They asked if they could pray with her.

Prayer? 

They took each other’s hands and extended theirs to mine. I looked at my hands, I looked at theirs, not sure. Slowly I placed my hands in theirs and gently grasped.

 

Almighty God we know you are here, presence with us. Our light in this dark world. We thank you for being so near to us, for this opportunity to come before you, to get to know you. Thank you that you see us, that you hear our prayers. 

Father God, thank you for sending your son for us.

Thank you Jesus for coming down from the richness of heaven, demoting your status as God and becoming like us. You didn’t use your status as God to be used for your advantage but instead walked with us – sinful humanity.

You didn’t see our sins and condemn us, you didn’t see our sins and walk away.

But you sat with us, ate with us, talked with us.

You did look at us as a prostitute, a tax collector, a drunk, as a person who is sick, as a  person who is poor, as a person who is rich. 

But looked at us with this unconditional love. Desiring for us to enter into a relationship with you. Desiring to be our friend.

You see us as a person with value and dignity

You reached out your hand and touched the leper – the man who wanted to become clean. You looked with kindness and said I am willing – be clean

And he was clean – Lord – oh thank you for your willingness to touch us when no one else is willing.

You invited those who have nothing to offer to the King’s table. To eat and have fellowship with you. 

You know everything about us. You know all the bad and good we have done, all the hurt, all the suffering we have gone through and have caused, you know everything.

What is mankind that you are mindful of us, human beings that you care for us. We have nothing to offer to the God of the universe – yet you offer us everything. 

You Jesus gave your perfect life out of love for us. So that we may come to you and you give us true life. You tore the veil that separated us from you

You then gave us the Holy Spirit – to help us in this life – to guide us to transform our lives.

You are our helper, our wise counselor, our prince of peace, our everlasting Father, our teacher.

You call us to repent and turn away from what is evil, what is wrong. 

You give us grace, mercy, love and power of the Spirit to turn to you.

To turn to pure goodness, pure love.

To be welcomed and adopted into a new life-giving family

Lord, we stand before you, in awe of your kindness and patiences with us. We stand in awe that your blood, Jesus, covers every sin and reconciles us to the Father 

So now we regard no one from a worldly point of view

But regard everyone as made in your image. We are all your creation. And you call us to be stewards of that creation – to kindness and goodness to all creation – your earth, your animals, to each other

And through your Spirit we will grow in love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self control

Thank you Lord that you desire all to come to you – all to come to a knowledge of truth

Here we are Lord humbly before you

Asking for our sister here, our friend

May her heart be open 

May she feel your everlasting love 

Peace beyond understanding

May your grace and mercy wash over here

May what is stained become clean

May you lead us 

May you help us as we move forward together in healing and transformation

Help us to walk humbly before you, seeking justice and loving mercy

In the Father, Son and Holy Spirit we pray 

Amen

 

I looked up. 

My fellow neighbor’s face – it’s different – like a weight has been lifted

I’m confused I don’t completely understand

Yet there is something different about me as well

What is this feeling?

What were those words?

Who are these people?

Is a better life possible? For me?

Am I welcome at this King’s table?

Who is this King?

These people welcomed me. Will this Jesus welcome me?

I need to know more.

I look straight into the man’s eyes

Who is this Jesus?