“What choice do I have?” thinks the girl, shivering in the dark doorway.
The father of her children is long gone. The only evidence that he even existed is the toddler and the six year old huddled under the covers in the tiny bed. Her mother yells from the adjoining room, “Don't expect me to feed them again tonight! You better get out there and find work!”
“You have no idea what I would do to feed my children!” she screams back at her mother. And now she stands in the brothel, terrified. This is her first night. A “friend” told her it would be easy money, but what is easy about this rank smell, this harsh music, these gaping eyes?
And who is this strange white man offering her hot chocolate? Or this short smiling woman inviting her to lunch tomorrow at some center for women like her? Asking her if she is new here. Yes, I'm new. But I don't trust you. I know I can leave if I want, but to what end? My children are hungry. Of course I'm scared. Of course I don't want to be here.
But something prods her to follow the strangers, and she grabs her coat and leaves the brothel. Away from a life that just missed trapping her in icy chains.
Her name is Janet, and she's still looking for a job. But now she is looking during daylight, as a result of a chance brothel visit and the voice of the Holy Spirit in her life.
Recently, a few of my friends have relit the fires of hope in my heart, like Janet has. A few weeks ago, Cecilia packing up a few clothes, threw a sack of pasta and rice on her back, and headed back to her village with her son to start a restaurant. We prayed for her new life before she left. Traveling mercies, traveling mercies.
Of course, there are still those I want to grab by the shoulders and shake some sense into. Like Mariela, who has been saving a few bolivianos a week for almost a year to start a new life, says, “A few more nights, just a few more nights.” One step forward, two steps back.
On a personal note, my job description has changed quite a bit in the last few weeks. Over November and December, I was the only North American on the field while Bakers and Goertzens were in the States. I was given the grand title of Acting Field Coordinator, and duties that included managing the daily routhine of the ministry: streets visits, lunches at the Casa de Esperanza, and staff and administration support. It wasn't hard for 10 weeks. I more or less coasted along, expecting to hand it all back on a big silver platter the minute everyone got back.
But as you probably know, God can have a sense of humor about our expectancies and plans. He may have been chuckling a bit as he watched twins form in Andrea Baker's little stomach. She was already showing the cute little tummy bulge when she got back to Bolivia, two months pregnant and still in shock. He may have had a concerned crease between his eyebrows as he prodded Goertzens back to Bolivia, alive but strung tight and burned out.
So I piled up all the management and advocacy and staff discipleship responsibilities onto my pretty silver platter and marched towards my friends, just settling back into Bolivia, proud to hand each back their pieces, basically whole and un-chipped. But instead, they smiled at me broadly and politely refused my gifts. 'You're good at those things,' they said. 'Can you keep doing them?' And my tray wobbled a little as I repositioned my expectations and future plans. And I gulped. And nodded.
Now don't worry, I'm not doing double the work I was before. I'm now coordinating the current ministries, so for now I've left Suti Sana to others on our team. My schedule is full, but not bulging. I still take off once a week to climb some lovely hunk of rock or play guitar with my boyfriend.
My benediction is an exhortation by Mother Theresa that my mom sent me the other day:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them
Anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful
friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere
anyway.
What you spend years creating,
others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is
between you and God.
It was never between you
and them anyway.