Advent Reflections

January 2012

 

“Unto us a child is born…”

 

Though you guys won’t receive this update until after New Year’s, I’m writing it before Christmas.  Before our daughter is born.

 

And two nights ago, I woke up terrified.  I was having contractions.

 

They weren’t very strong or very painful, but they were VERY close together.  I thought back to our Lamaze classes and tried to remember how far apart they should be.  Then shook Mache awake.  “I’m concerned,” I said.

 

“Don’t worry, honey,” my sweet husband mumbled sleepily, “She won’t come tonight.”

 

“How do you know?” I demanded.

“Because she knows I’m too tired,” he quipped back peacefully.

 

Well, it was a false alarm, as if in support of Mache’s sleepy logic. But it terrified me, because I WASN’T READY FOR HER TO COME YET!  We hadn’t met with pediatricians to have one present at the birth, I hadn’t packed my hospital bag yet, and we hadn’t installed the car seat!  Also, I still had things to do at work, loose ends to tie up, ministry to do!  Panic, worry, stress!  I just wasn’t ready for a baby!

 

That little warning in the middle of the night was a month before Ariana was due.  And I was thinking today, a month is what we’re gifted during Advent as well.  To prepare for the birth of another baby.

 

I treat Advent like I treat Ariana leaving my bulging belly.  I’m not ready for Christmas.  I have presents to buy and parties to throw and gift baskets to give to Suti Sana women and caroling in the brothels and Christmas pageants at church…I’m not sure I have room for a helpless, naked baby to come into my life.  That month of Advent, when I should be preparing my heart and home in peace and expectation…well, that’s a joke.  If I’m not running every second of every day leading up to Christmas, it’s only because my belly doesn’t let me anymore.

 

So I pray that this Advent season, something woke you too up in the middle of the night, to remind you to prepare more than shiny ornaments and cookies.  And I pray that I will be able to take the warning I was given, step back, breath, and receive it all as the miracle, the gift it’s meant to be.

 

 

Celebrating God With Us this Christmas,

 

Cara

 

PS. Next update, I hope to send pictures of our yet unborn daughter!