Dear Friends and Family,
The concept of God’s will has always been difficult for me (Becky). I’m sure it always will be – it’s just one of those things that once I think I understand, it eludes me again. I remember doing a study when I was about 14 called, “Experiencing God.” If I remember right, it talked a lot about discerning God’s will through scripture, circumstance, prayer/the Holy Spirit, and the voices of those who are wise around us. I think at that time in my life, I felt that God’s will was fixed and if I missed it, then I missed it forever. This made decision-making very stressful. I wanted to do God’s will, but didn’t always know what that was.
Since then, I have come to see God’s will as a little more fluid. I have made decisions in my life where there were several good options in front of me – open doors that I could walk through. And I’ve also experienced closed doors. I’ve come to believe that seeking God may be more than the final outcome. God desires us to draw near to him, to desire him first. If I stand in front of three open doors, it may not matter which one of those good options I might take, but that my heart is turned toward my Father as I step over the threshold.
However, I’ve come to observe a tendency I have in making a decision. Sometimes, my efforts to please others can cloud my vision. It sneaks up on me, because I want to “seek the counsel of the wise,” especially as someone who is young. But I can sometimes go beyond that and seek to please others, which of course never works. There will always be at least someone displeased with any given decision I make. Thankfully, L. is helping “cure” me of this a little, because I care much less about others’ opinions when L. is affected by my decisions much more directly than anyone else.
Sometimes I lament that fact that I have never heard God’s voice audibly. There have been a few occasions where I sensed Him speaking to me, but they’ve never been about a decision: Go here, or do that.
Deciding to go to Bolivia in 2009 was one of those decisions where Adam and I looked at an open door and chose to walk in, sensing that scripture backed this choice. Circumstances seemed to confirm it since we were able to raise support to go. Deciding to return this fall was, for me, a much more difficult decision. I kept hoping God would work through circumstance to close the door. L. has been such a joy for us, and it was difficult to picture taking our precious little gift into a more chaotic (to put it lightly) environment. So I finally committed to put one foot in front of the other and nothing more. The door could have been closed several times. But each time I thought the door would close, it never did. I continue to step forward and watch as God leads. With each step I know that God’s grace is with us and that your prayers are upholding us. Thank you so much for praying and please continue to pray: for L.’s healthy adjustment and our transition back to life in Bolivia.
As the new year is upon us, may you see the new thing that God is doing (Isaiah 43:19).
Becky, Adam, and L.