Wednesday night
One of our girls went back to the streets.
According to the statistics, this is common. According to the books, girls try to leave prostitution an average of six times before they stay out for good.
But the books don't say anything about this feeling I would get when one of them went back, like a hard punch to the stomach. This woman had been out of prostitution for months and months. She couldn't find a job, but we were helping her out with grocery money for her and her four kids. But she didn't feel it was enough, and she got discouraged, and she went back.
When I found out, I grabbed my computer and tried to repress the despair with my current drug of choice-Solitaire-but found I couldn't finish one game. I went out onto my patio, even though it was raining, and watched a plane take off the airport runway a few blocks away. For the first time since I arrived in Bolivia in June, I really wanted to be on that plane. I imagined how easy it would be to leave all the tragedy and disappointed hope behind. It would be so pleasant to live in the States again, to have a dishwasher and fridge and car. I could surround myself with my wonderful Christian community again. I might even start to frequent Christian bookstores and read books like Redeeming Love in which the prostitutes end up saved and healed and loved by good men.
Then again, I don't know if I could handle Redeeming Love after living with the reality. The reality is that there's little success in this work. The choices the girls make break my heart more deeply and more often than my high school crushes.
Because God sometimes has a dark sense of humor, I've been reading Hannah Hurnard's allegory Hinds' Feet on High Places recently. When the main character Much-Afraid decides to follow the Shepherd's call to journey to the High Places, He gives her two specially chosen companions-Sorrow and Suffering (I don't think Bruce Wilkinson would like this book very much). Every time Much-Afraid trips, she grabs hold of Sorrow and Suffering, and pain pierces her. But she is stronger when she relies on her companions, and travels more quickly towards the High Places.
I think Hannah Hurnard was masochistic.
However, dear Ms. Hurnard was a missionary in Palestine for years. She knew what it felt like to have her heart broken by a lapsed believer or a rejection of the Savior.
Friday morning
She came to the Center! She didn't go back to the streets!
On Wednesday, she had met with our administrator and talked of her intentions to return to the streets. She was too much of a drain on us, she said. It was just better this way, she said.
But then, when she was about to go, she said she could feel us praying for her. She just couldn't go back. Instead, she came back to the center and apologized. She said that she would stick with us as long as we stuck with her.
I finished Hind's Feet on High Places. At the end of this allegory, Much-Afraid's companions, Sorrow and Suffering, become Peace and Joy. Hmm.
As you might have noticed from some of my past letters, I've been trying to deal with my salvation complex lately. I know that I can do nothing for my friends in my own power, and that God has his own time and his own purposes in all the girls' lives. But maybe I've forgotten that he is also a God who loves to save. That he demands that we hold strong to hope. And that he responds to prayer.
Las Noticias
We're buying!-We have officially started to raise money to purchase the Casa de Esperanza, our center for women in prostitution one block from the red light district. Guess whose in charge of the Fundraising Campaign? I get the best jobs. Hopefully we'll have a fundraising DVD by May. To be continued…
Roomie Blues-I've been living with friend and co-worker Eliana for the last month, and it's been a pleasure and joy. However, Heather and Wes are stealing her at the beginning of April to be part of their future Rehabilitation House. They'll be two blocks away, but once again I'll have a quiet house and a spare bedroom. So any time you want to visit…
Five's Company-My Servant Team of four beautiful women has been here over a month. They've adjusted well, in spite of altitude sickness, flu, diarrhea, and other fun infections. Please pray for them as they continue to learn Spanish, adjust to living with the poor, and continue to grow into community. And pray for wisdom for me on how to best disciple them into an understanding of God's heart for the poor.
Thank you for your love and prayers.
In Christ,
Cara Strauss
Cara Strauss
Casilla 25022
El Alto, Bolivia