STOP Service by Cami Goble
“STOP throwing things!” I yell angrily, slapping my five-year-old son’s hand. He had chucked his glasses. AGAIN. Daniel Tiger’s song plays in my head, a moment too late, “Take a deep breath and count to four. One…two…three…four.” Then, swirling eddies of regret, shame, and self-loathing flood in.
Perhaps you are like me? I am a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde. In the morning, when I am rested, I am usually calm, patient, and kind. My son repeatedly hurls things, and I am unruffled. With gentle eye contact and a smile, I effortlessly respond to his perpetual tossing, “Go pick it up, My Love.” Then, at some point later in the day, often unbeknownst to me, I switch and become cruel. Why?
I peel back the layers of the onion.
I have become mean because I am exhausted and depleted. Why?
I have tried to cram too much into my day, and I didn’t take breaks. Why?
I feel inadequate, so I try to make up for this by proving myself with productivity. Why?
I have forgotten I am God’s beloved daughter.
Thomas Merton observes, “There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence to which the idealist most easily succumbs: activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”
Sometimes the best service is to STOP to remember who and whose we are.
I was reminded of the times Jesus abruptly stopped his activities with people, slipping away to pray in solitude. I wonder why. I try to imagine what that was like. Did Jesus suddenly become aware that he needed to hear God’s loving voice and reorient to essential purpose? When was the last time you or I did this?
“Remember the Sabbath, and keep it holy.” The ten commandments make STOPPING imperative. Did God know that we would get busy, distracted, and overwhelmed with unnecessary things? Did He really graciously give us a day to remember, receive, and abide in His love? A gift of time to be child-like and free?
To STOP being violent, I need to STOP to remember I am beloved.
If I am honest, it is arduous to STOP. Breaking entrenched autopilot habits of compulsive doing by replacing practices that cultivate awareness of His love takes intentional, consistent effort. Stumbling forward like a toddler learning to walk, I am practicing STOPPING by:
- Starting each day with the Lectio 365 app;
- Setting an 11 alarm on my phone to gaze at Rembrandt’s Return of the Prodigal Son painting for a couple of minutes during a coffee break;
- Walking by the coast or in the hills for at least 20 minutes 4 days a week; and
- Creating space in the evenings to listen, play, and pray with my son.
I’m curious. How do you STOP? What helps you receive God’s love?
Henri Nouwen reminds us, “When we no longer pray, no longer listen to the voice of love that speaks to us in the moment, our lives become absurd lives in which we are thrown back and forth between the past and the future. If we could just be, for a few minutes each day, fully where we are, we would indeed discover that we are not alone and that the One who is with us wants only one thing: to give us love.”
Would you like to go deeper?
- John Mark Comer, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World
- Karyn B. Purvis, The Connected Child and TBRI videos like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWScSJKjn1A
- Henri Nouwen, Being the Beloved https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8U4V4aaNWk